Poetry & Prozac

* You know what is a little bit awesome? When you're at work, checking your phone shamelessly, and there's a text from your friend (hypothetically girthygrizelda) and they're all "want to go to the beach when you get off work?"

And while, yes, you do kind of have some things that really sorta SHOULD get done today "yes, yes I do".

So you go on a roadtrip with one of your favorite people down to the beach and you go play in the waves and then you lay in the sun and read and chat for a couple of hours and then you go get crappily delicious dinner and then you come home and work on your shit and zone and go "I had an awesome day to day!" and then LJ about it.

Ahem. Yes. So that was my third trip to the beach in three weeks. And, ahaha, second trip in three days. Whoops. I don't think I went to the beach three times last summer.

* Is it ignoring wank to not say anything about it? Or is it a quiet acknowledgment that you're aware and agree with many far more well spoken people than yourself and don't really have a lot to add? 'Cause I'm doing the second, in case people were concerned.

* I really feel I had other things I wanted to say, but I do not remember them now and I am sleepy like whoa so I am going to shower and sleep. Because tomorrow is not Sunday, it is Tuesday.

I've opened up a "post entry" page every day this week, but whatever I have to say comes out emo or whiny or pissed off or some other emotion I don't really mean to be having.

I'm confused about fangirl-related social stuff and I'm not really sure how to handle it. I don't *think* I'm having drama, but maybe I am. If you're having drama with me, you should probably email me at bluestargirl at gmail dot com so that we can talk.

Also I'm losing my job next Friday. It was only a temporary position, but the circumstances of my leaving it, and the fact that I have to start training a new girl tomorrow, ultimately leave me feeling hurt and pissed off and betrayed.

AND I have to be finding a new job, and, just, times are shitty, you know? And I CAN'T afford to go on like this.

So mostly I'm various shades of a mess when I let myself think about things, and really happy and good when I don't. siren_mage, citibyrd, and Panic at the Disco are currently my very most favorite people. They are all unacceptably far away.

...See? Whiny AND emo. I'm pretty sure this is not how I'm actually feeling. Maybe.

* Back from Rockbanding. If you're here because you met and were awesome and thought I needed more awesome in my life, you're right! Hi.

My contact info is largely in my user info, feel free to use any of it, and my twitter is "kelseya" for reasons not really resembling earth-logic.

* Rockbands were amazing. I think my favorite was Vegas. (Well, my favorite Panic set was Vegas, my favorite Cab sets were San Diego AND L.A., my favorite Dashboard set was L.A., and there is no such thing as my favorite PWTs set.)

So. Much. Awesome. and absurd. And. I still don't really know how to deal with the ridiculous that was this trip. I kind of want my 4th wall back, actually. hearthisvoice, please to be e-mailing me and telling me the story of Friday (also I forgive you, for really really real).

I am being cryptic, which I kind of feel like an asshole about, but I just have NO idea how to coherently recap or anything.

* Came home from concerting and promptly wound up dealing with epic levels of not fun drama. I really wish I were back in Vegas circa 10 p.m. - 1 a.m. Thursday. Or on tour. Either'd suffice.