Poetry & Prozac

I survived The Crazy Cousin's wedding! Not gonna lie, I kinda want a t-shirt. Sorry for twittering like a mad woman! For those who missed them (my twitter's KelseyA but I'm thisclose to changing it), adventures included setting up the damn thing, my ex-Uncle, my other cousin, my aunt and uncle crashing the wedding, and more. Laguna Beach continues to be gorgeous, I have decided that my wedding shall take place in a courthouse.

After the wedding I came home, slept for 12 hours, and then spent the day watching the Disney Channel with friends (we did take swimming and pizza-and-beer breaks). I didn't love Princess Protection Agency, JONAS continues to be amazing.

In other news, my three day old manicure is chipping like whoa. Is that a reasonable timeline or do I need to start going somewhere that charges more than $6 for a French manicure?

On Saturday my cousin's getting married. She's two weeks younger than I am, and I have a whole host of issues involving her. this tag will sort of fill you in, should you care.

I. I don't really care that she's getting married and I don't have a significant other. It kind of causes a vague pang of something, but, whatever. I'm variously excited/annoyed by weeding obligations. Mostly though, I don't care. She's my cousin and of course I love her and I wonder what her being married will change and in a vague way I'm glad she's happy, but I basically have no real emotion about this. Unless I'm in denial, which I suppose is possible, but I doubt.

Anyway. I won't be online until probably Sunday. Will be twittering, but possibly bitchily/annoyingly/drunkenly, or not at all because I'll be busy.

And that's that.

My life is so boring so much of the time. And it's okay, you know? I like my little world, I'm generally happy in it.

The past week or so has been different. In a positive way, I think, but not one I'm going to be making a permanent change towards. For one thing, my liver would up and walk out on me.

So Saturday my friends and I went down to the beach for the day and it was lovely and chill and awesome. Then I met up with my cousin for her Bachelorette party. It was good times, in that draining lots-of-strangers-and-unfamiliar-things way. I had SO MUCH to drink, guys, (Washington Apple shooters are AMAZING) and then a couple glasses of water and some asprin and I felt great this morning. It's strange.

Today was her bridal shower, which was also nice. A bunch of the girls from last night were there, and my mom and aunt, so it was more comfortable and we had jokes and bonds and stuff.

But I haven't been by myself in something like 36 hours. I do not do well with no alone time. I pretty much held it together (and totally did in front of the strangers/new friends), but I am so tired and tense and bitchy. I also really resent that I only got four hours of weekend to myself.

So, it was fun and silly and everything, but I just want to curl up with something to read and be quiet and alone for awhile.

I see LJ ate my goodbye post, fantastic.

I left, I wished the Americans on my flist a happy Thanksgiving and told you all that twitter is the place to be for keeping up with me (though I don't get updates texted to my phone), and now I'm back.

With an officially engaged cousin (ring and all) and a shiny job as maid of honor (and, actually only bridesmaid, though most of the family is the wedding party. I'm actually mostly more excited about this than emo, and actually nagged pretty hard for her to officially call me her maid of honor (We made a promise to each other. When we were EIGHT!)

Wedding dress shopped on Saturday. My issues are mine and haven't much changed since junior high, sitting there watching her in giant white dresses surrounded by mirrors, it feels like I've always known I'd end up here. The thought's both upsetting and weirdly comforting.

In general, the holiday and my family were nice. Possibly the most pleasant Thanksgiving I've ever had, really, though I did spend a fair amount of time texting.

Hi. Spam. But I totally didn't post ridiculous emo spam earlier begging and bargaining for hugs earlier (instead I IMed canadian_kracka, sorry Lex!).

So, I guess it was last night, after the strike started, my cousin IMed me. Well, no. Actually, she texted me "R u going to go on aim tonight?" and then I signed on and she IMed me. And it was bizarre. First she asked if I wished we had lived together. Yeah, no. I mean, it'd have been alright, but really mostly no. She also judged my financial situation, which, I mean, yes, it's stupid, but, step off, I didn't move in with the first guy who used me for more than sex. Then she asked me about my love life. And "how far [I'd] gone". AND if I was into girls at all. Which, okay, those are all semi-reasonable questions to ask of a friend, but I'm pretty sure I haven't talked to my cousin since Christmas. "Friends" is not even a little bit how I'd describe our relationship. Maybe "veterans of the same war". Then we talked about alcohol for awhile (My cousin got arrested for DUI about a year ago, then she started AA, no one's really sure if she's actually an alcoholic, least of all her, I suspect). Then back to inappropriate sex-related questions. She wants me to try Match.com. Eh. Then she invited me on a cruise. I expressed polite interest. She blew me off to watch a Tivoed episode of LOST. ...Alright? The best thing was that she asked me all of these questions but then never waited for the answers, which, yeah, that's my cousin.
My first impression was that maybe she and her boyfriend/fiance? were having problems. When I told my mom the cliffs notes version she mentioned that my cousin had recently lost a friend. So apparently I'm now token-single-chick in my cousin's universe. *shrug* Fine.

Anyway, it was weird. And then she AIMed me again tonight. To have a polite 9 line conversation. ...I don't even know you guys. My family is weird.

You know it's Christmas when...

Your cousin calls, in tears, looking for your mother, and when she's told that your mom's not around spills out a whole long story about OMG her mother is still so awful and unsupportive and she sent a nasty e-mail and her mom hasn't replied what should she do? She also reveals that she, her mom, and mine have been having three-way e-mail conversations during the days. Do you know who else is online all day and hasn't been receiving said e-mails? Yeah. Yes.

Your mother gets home from an office Christmas party, immediately fills your arms with stuff to carry and ignores your attempts to relay your cousin's message. Upon receipt of said message she proceeds to grumble about your cousin and, to no one's surprise, take her sister's side. Also to claim that she's staying out of this one. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. You start to bring up the whole excluded-from-family-emails thing and then back the hell down really fast because now is so not the time.

Happy Holidays, it's starting!

Now, I'm going to do a little cleaning and then set up my new mini metallic blue Target Christmas tree while blasting Christmas carols.

ETA: Broke a lightbulb, broke a bed, skinned my arm, gave up on decorations (the tree's totally cute, though)

Cousin texted, I gossiped (being annoyed at my mom helped, she may be in hot water with both her niece and her sister. Oops?). Cousin asked if she could call me after her shift ended.

Cousin called, I gave her more detailed info, listened to her whine (and cry. Again. God. I know I'm not an only child and so I don't know what that's like, but my brother and I are not super close. The LAST thing I'd do in a fight with my mom is talk to him about it. So the whining about being an only child I'm not terribly sympathetic of.), gave her some ideas about what to say when she calls her mom tomorrow (2 days after she was originally given the advice to call), and was basically just awesome. So I think I'm pretty much her favorite person right now. Of course she and her mom will patch things up and I'll go back to being the bitch who told her that her aunt didn't care about her problems and her mom's selfish and insensitive. It's so fun being the family bitch. (Ironically, my dad's not a huge fan of the cousin or the aunt for a lot of the same reasons I have issues with them and so we tend to be each others biggest fans when we have to deal with the group as a whole.)

And that is that. For now.

* I'm posting a bunch today, but, what the fuck? My fucking cousin is maybe-sorta-kinda engaged. Fucking FUCK, man. I can't find the post where I explained the whole ordeal with said cousin, but she's two weeks younger than I am, blond, former cheerleader, and I have always ALWAYS felt inferior to her. And now she's (maybe? sorta?) ENGAGED?! (This isn't public knowledge as far as I know, so real-life people, don't mention it.) My other gigantic issue about this whole thing is that we've had a pact since we were 8 about being each other's maid-of-honor. And now, like, I'll be offended if I'm not her maid-of-honor, but I'm also kind of not down with this wedding and don't know HOW to be a maid-of-honor, so.

* Also my mother spoiled Project Runway for me. She's all 'have you heard about this?' and I said 'no', thinking she was going to, you know, ask if I wanted to hear it, but instead she just started saying stuff. It's not a HUGE deal, but I didn't want to know. *pout*

* On the other had I got YWT concert calls tonight, and steak, so.

* So, Thanksgiving was, whatever. It was fine. There was no family fight which I am a little bitter about, I spent all of Saturday being a mopey emo pain in the ass (I seriously wanted to smack myself, but yeah, didn't really work).

* Went out with my cousin last night in Huntington Beach, drank at a bar where the bartenders couldn't manage a Midori Sour (it's Midori and sour, I really don't understand where that gets complicated) OR a Gin Fizz. So, yeah, spent like $20 on bad drinks. Whoo. However, before the real bar we were at this other bar and "Night Moves" came on. I was deeply amused to be sitting in Orange County listening to Bob Seeger. Oh O.C. season 1, how I miss thee.

* Today mostly my family's just chilling. My real family, Mom, Dad, and Sam. So it's nice and funny and I *heart* them. The 4 of us together are awesome, with the others less so. Also it's FINALLY cold (and by cold I mean the computer says 62, but it feels colder than that. It might be in the 50s) which means, sweaters, yay!

* Alright, going to do some more online Christmas idea-ing, read a fic, hang out with family, and take a bubble bath, because, cold.

I keep meaning to post and then not doing it. Anyway, things I have done since the last time I posted:

* drunken IMed with sexycereal about Veronica Mars 3x01. I would have posted, but we actually weren't all that funny.

* started a Veronica Mars fic. I know, wtf, right?

* gone out to lunch/birthday party with my roommate. *pauses* *waits for applause* It... wasn't horrible.

* called my dad's friend in New York as requested. Left a message, but still, go me.

* been called "Kathy" in an e-mail by a potential employer. In response to an e-mail I signed "Kelsey" which lists my full name next to my screen name. Oookay.

* read a LOT of Queer As Folk fic while waiting for my roommate to go away so that I could sneak actual episodes. It has been WEEKS and I am not quite to the middle of season 2. Stupid roommate.

* been randomly invited to a ...party? in West Hollywood for Halloween by my infamous Crazy Cousin. I haven't decided whether to go or not even though I kind of want to. And it would involve a costume beyond the cute Mardi Gras mask I was planning on. I need to put in a call to Emily for heeeeeeeeeeeeeelp. Maybe I can invite her too, that would be good.

* gotten blown off by my mother for her sister who she totally loves more than me. I'm fine with it. Fine.

* All of this has not freaked me out much, which suggests to me that I probably should be, so I have a counselling appointment next Monday. And also I kind of really want to be patted on the back for my progress. And to blame my mother for things.

* I also rediscovered my shipwrecked!kink, which started in elementary school with the novelization of some movie that I don't remember the name of (it was about a Scandinavian boy who left his farm to be a cabin boy and then the ship wrecked and he got stranded on an island with his cute mentor and they discovered treasure but then the pirates came back for it and there were booby-traps and it was awesome), and furthered by The Cay in Junior High. So if someday someone wanted to write me AU shipwrecked!fic, that would be awesome. Bonus points if it is multi-fandom, slashy, and smutty.

* The REALLY exciting thing though, is that after 10 months of hitting, beggging, and pestering, I finally convinced sexycereal to watch Rent. And she didn't hate it. Next goal, Queer As Folk (US) because she will love Brian hardcore.

* O.C. people spoiled for THAT THING in the premiere, have pictures.

* And, have music. Aka beingothrwrldly's "Request a song!" meme:

The only rules - you cannot request music by band name or genre. You have to describe, in terms of color, mood, texture, taste, or any other creative way you can think of, what you're looking for in a song, and I'll give you a song in return.

Sometimes I feel like I need a political science degree to deal with my family. It's all secret treaties and trade agreements and stuff. Sadly lacking diplomatic immunity.

Today I got this mildly passive-aggressive response e-mail from my mother (in which she wants to hang out with me but only on her terms, it's wacky fun) where she "suggested" I call this evening and chat with my father and he would be home alone.

I... dislike phones. They're very... whatever. I would rather not call most people if I can email or write a letter or etc.

But I told my mom I'd call, because I knew that way she'd check up on me so I'd actually do it. I did, thus earning good-daughter points from my father and good-following-directions points from my mother (incidentally, she answered the phone when I called and my dad blew me off to go to sleep so I'm not entirely sure what I accomplished here).

Between my mom's e-mail and calling my dad, I wrote a letter to my grandfather. He e-mails frequently and I don't respond because then there will be more e-mails and digital pictures of his cat and e-cards with fuzzy bunnys. But he's not in a great place right now, understandably, so I wrote him a little letter. I will earn good-grandaughter points from him, and possibly a place on the refrigerator, and I will earn really-amazing-sweet-wonderful-girl points from my mom because she never asked/suggested/or otherwise implied that this was something I ought to do. I may lose a few of those due to the helpful suggestions I made to Grandpa about ways he could keep himself occupied by "helping" my mom or going on a daytrip with her.

Political strategy, yay.

Also my cousin is ignoring my myspace message, but since the only reason I want to talk to her is to ask a favor I kind of can't blame her.
ETA: My myspace has been wacky lately and I'm not getting alerts, so I went to double-check and low and behold message from my cousin. Guess what it says? "email grandpa he misses you" (capitalization skills, hers). Now, I don't respond terribly well to my mother's instructions on familial relations. You can imagine how I react to someone who is YOUNGER than me (barely, but whatever) doing so. It's such a good thing I already mailed that letter... Whore. *tosses hair* At least *I* am not a college drop-out working at the Shake Shack. I win. Plus that letter is totally going to beat her hot pink text 2-line email. I win MORE.

*I have been collecting new friends lately. This does not suck. Anyway new friends, here is an entry from a few months back full of helpful info. But you'll figure it out on your own and there won't be a pop-quiz. Have at it.

*Today I went for, essentially, a 5 hour bus ride. I just needed to get out of the house and last weekend was so awesome that I wanted to duplicate it. So I wandered around L.A. via Public Transportation. I may do this again tomorrow and re-explore, like, Hollywood, I'm undecided.

*girthygrizelda called me while I was adventuring and we talked for like half an hour. It was awesome. She keeps me updated on my family, which is odd (both the family and the updating thereof. Someday I should talk about the weird...).

*I haven't talked to my mom since Tuesday. For a normal week this isn't unusual, but for the last two weeks, pre-New York, we were talking and emailing like every day. I miss her. And New York. And Matt Caplan (oh shut up. I know).

*Wow I really dislike myspace.

*Lucky, lucky, sexycereal has gotten whined at by me 3 times in 2 days. Lucky you all are spared my bitching. *love for S* So much so that I started her birthday fic. Anyone want to beta a massive VM fic for me (and her)?

*And then I wrote a fic for speed_rent. Why can I write 1200 words of fictional characters I don't own talking but not 1200 words of academics that will get me out of college and into a good job? What the hell is wrong with me?!

*ETA: Holy shit. So I'm updating my iTunes and this song comes on and after the lead-in the tune is REALLY familiar. And like, I know some of the words. I *KNOW* them. And there's no way in hell that I know the words to "Happiness" from You're A Good Man Charlie Brown. No. I know this song because years ago, like, when we were 8, my cousin made me learn 3 lines of this song and we went around and sang. Which was not really an unusual occurance. She also taught me part of some random Phantom of the Opera song. I loved this song though. And now 14 years later I find it out of NOWHERE? This is so awesomely fucking hilarious!

So I'm going to Newport for Thanksgiving weekend.

It is still beyond me why exactly my family thinks renting a three bedroom beach house for a week and cramming 8 people into it sounds like a good idea every year.

It never is.

Not only that, but Newport is boring. It's fine for like a day at the beach, but a weekend? Nuh-uh. Last time we spent the entire weekend fishing and that was like BIG excitement.

I miss going to San Diego. San Diego was cool. We did SeaWorld, the Zoo, or the Wild Animal Park one day and Tijuana the next. We ate out in Old Town or Seaport Village.

In Newport we eat out at Charlie's Chili. Don't get me wrong, I *heart* Charlie's. It's perfect after a day at the beach. Especially when you're feezing from a combination of sunburn and being in the water all day. It is not, however, perfect for getting all dressed up and trying to one-up your cousin.

Speaking of whom, I just got a text from my evil blond cheerleader cousin. I believe I've mentioned her before. I feel this message is a sign of how the weekend will go. The text reads:

Bring money to get our nails done i need i fill and it is way cheap there

This essentially embodies the character of my cousin. Observe the way she doesn't ask if I want to get my nails done (which, FYI, I don't), she doesn't invite, she coomands. And because she's like kryptonite or whatever and I can't seem to say no to her, I probably will end up getting my nails done.

Should be a blast.

On the upside, girthygrizelda loaned me The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay which I will FINALLY get to read this weekend. I'm stoked about that.

Also I kind of love traumatizing my family. It's fun to play the eccentric artist. I will be bringing obscure CDs (DCFC, Coheed and Cambria, Snow Patrol, Nada Surf, Modest Mouse, Carly mixes), a sketch pad that I rarely use otherwise, my fic journal of course, sarcastic t-shirts, my sarcastic Care Bear attatched to my luggage. I just love wigging these people out.

Possibly not the best attitude to have regarding our cherished family gathering, but it's the only joy I get from this blessed event. Don't deprive me.