Poetry & Prozac

Today I pretty much forgot about Valentines Day because we'd done a bunch of V-Day stuff at work Friday (which was awesome. Sometimes my job is the BEST EVER), and also my brother brought his girlfriend home for the weekend so everyone here's pretty focused on that.

But, here's the thing. I used to hate Valentine's Day. I still think it sucks that we need holidays to remind us to love on each other, but, whatever, we do. But it's nice to get the reminder. (And, if I'm being honest, I never really hated Valentines. There's chocolate, and I've never been in a relationship for it, but I really enjoyed embracing the bitterness and cynicism that covered for envy). I'm grown up now, and I can admit that.

Valentines, for better or worse, it's just 24 hours. And then the candy goes on sale.

Also I am so so fucking lucky. I have great friends, an amazing family (and extensions), hell even my acquaintances are by and large pretty fabulous.

Last night as I was falling asleep I was wondering about what my life would be like if I'd made a different decision, as you do. But, for the first time ever my thoughts weren't about how much more awesome everything would be. Instead I asked myself "Would I be as happy as I am right now?" and I was honestly surprised by it. I don't think I'm especially happy right now. Things are good. Really good, even, but they aren't OMG the BEST!!! Or even as good as they were this time last year. But I'm happy and it's possible that I could be less happy.

So I think that's my Valentine to myself. (And the after-Valentines sale candy, lets be honest here.)

Thank you all for being my friends. For sticking with me through years of pedestrian crises and loving me, whether you're one of the girls I love very very best or one of the lurkers who's stuck around because you find something worth reading here or one of the people who keep me around to patronize me. Thank you. I'm so grateful for my life and everyone in it.

* I know everyone on the planet is telling you this, but, OMG, go see Milk. It is AMAZING and awesome, and so worth seeing. If nothing else will convince you, there's plenty of boykissing. And James Franco. And Emile Hersch. And Diego Luna.

* I'm FINALLY starting to get into the Christmas spirit. I've had my shopping pretty much done for awhile, but I just, I don't know, wasn't feeling it. Getting there now, though.

* I have no other news. Have mostly spent tonight making fun of bandboys on AIM. Because you always mock the ones you love.

* At 24 years old, you'd think I could apply eyeliner. I've been puttting on makeup (with varying degrees of skill and intricacy) for over a DECADE. Why is this so challenging?

I see LJ ate my goodbye post, fantastic.

I left, I wished the Americans on my flist a happy Thanksgiving and told you all that twitter is the place to be for keeping up with me (though I don't get updates texted to my phone), and now I'm back.

With an officially engaged cousin (ring and all) and a shiny job as maid of honor (and, actually only bridesmaid, though most of the family is the wedding party. I'm actually mostly more excited about this than emo, and actually nagged pretty hard for her to officially call me her maid of honor (We made a promise to each other. When we were EIGHT!)

Wedding dress shopped on Saturday. My issues are mine and haven't much changed since junior high, sitting there watching her in giant white dresses surrounded by mirrors, it feels like I've always known I'd end up here. The thought's both upsetting and weirdly comforting.

In general, the holiday and my family were nice. Possibly the most pleasant Thanksgiving I've ever had, really, though I did spend a fair amount of time texting.

* So, today I got a job!!! (The backstory - in July I started temporarily working for my mother part-time, before that I was making $45-$50 a week editing for a quasi-local newspaper, which I still do as it takes approx. 5 hours a week. My mom hired a permenant staff member about two weeks ago and I have been training her off and on since. Awkwardly, given that I have no job to go on to once she continues.) But last night I called on a craigslist (Craigslist? I can never decide about the capitalization) ad, they told me to come down and fill out an application, and when I went in this afternoon a guy gave me a mini-interview and told me I was hired. I totally thought he was kidding at first.

It's only 20 hours a week, 12 - 4, no weekends, selling season theater tickets to the local theater, but at least it's something. And I can get another job to fill in those hours, or something, and ultimately I'll be earning waaaaay more money than I have in a long time. \o/

* Also I saw a kangaroo rat, which I thought was pretty cool. They are not rat-like and are actually pretty cute. They're native to the area and some of them are endangered, but as this one was living in a grocery store planter, I'm guessing he wasn't one of those.

* The head broke off of my turtle cell phone charm today. *sadface* My father has promised to fix it, and there'll be a Chinatown run in a few months and hopefully I will be able to replace it. I love that turtle, yo.

Overall, pretty good day today, and since my tomorrow job consists of little more than showing up, I have high hopes for it as well.

It's been a win some/lose some kind of day. Mostly wins, but they still feel like losses.

I have a (temporary) real job. At the place I worked for three years in college. It's a different position, sort of, and it's money, ish, but still.

I really want to grow up and be a merch girl, though I don't know any bands successful enough to have merch, much less need someone to sell it.

Also may have sort of talked my way into having a date-ish thing Wed. night. With Nick, though. And. I don't know. I'm trying not to freak myself the fuck out. It doesn't FEEL like a good thing, but at least it's a step into having a life of my own.

So, yeah. S'me.

* Watched Superbad with my parents this evening. That wasn't uncomfortable at all.

* Also applied for a bunch of Craigslist jobs. Most of them are special projects that would only pay for a little while, but, you know. A few are also unpaid internships, but would be worth it for the experience. I doubt I'll get any of them, but at least I'm (kind of) trying again. It's a positive step, I feel.

In a perfect world, someone one would hand me a red pen and a stack of papers and say "Here, edit your little heart out."

...The world is so far from perfect.

* Made gingerbread cookies and talked to wordsaremyfaith today. My head feels like it's screwed on a lot tighter now. Positive steps all around today.

* I also thought about fic and wrote two drabbles! (The rest are coming, I promise!)

* I'm hoping to be in New York Feb. 4 - 12ish. How does that work for the New York girls?

You too can have input on my major life decisions.

So?

Poll #921656
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 15

I should take a job in New Hampshire (in September)?

I've been pretty cranky today and just now I realized I've had almost 3 liters of water to drink and the finger-test thing still indicates that I'm dehydrated, so, I don't know, that MAY have something to do with it. Also I think I've maybe been home too much lately and the novelty has warn off on all parties.

BUT, my parents did make a special trip to the store to buy me Little Smokies and get my coins converted to cash. I never spend my change so I wind up with a pretty good haul. $30 since April doesn't suck. It's going into the oh-my-God-I-have-no-money-and-I-graduate-in-June fund though.

Speaking of what the fuck to do after graduation, I've pretty much scraped the Peace Corps plans because, wow, living in a foreign country by myself for two years really scares the crap out of me. HOWEVER, I started my Americorps application today. It's only for a year so they pay you half as much, but it's in the United States and they have a bunch of jobs in New York City and they provide relocation and housing allowances. Which would be really nice and would let me start hunting for real jobs from, uh, not the other side of the country. I realize this is basically me putting real life on hold some more, but, yeah, I'm fine with that.

I also need to make career center and advisement appointments and contact TCM about their freelance proofreading program again ($13! An hour!).

Wow being a grown up is not so much fun. I would really really like someone to just hand me a post-it note with my diploma giving me a job title and where to show up the following Monday morning, but, alas, I suspect that is not going to happen.

* People finally answered my e-mails. On a TUESDAY, which I find weird, but I will take it. I got info on JOBS. That don't pay but that I HAVE. Yay for having jobs with which to put on a resume so that eventually people who want to pay me will hire me. *is excited*

* First therapy session tomorrow. I haven't really had much time to think about it, but I think overall I'm mostly just curious.

* Loooots of Rentfic tonight. Yay!

* The SciFi channel is airing Dead Like Me. I saw the first two eps today and I am very digging. I was sort of meh on Eureka but I'll give it another go. And I'm tempted to try Stargate:Atlantis because there was a very cute guy in the trailers. With The 4400, Psych and Project Runway I'm shaping up to have a decent summer tv season. For awhile there it was just me and Mythbusters and even I realize how lame THAT is.

* I'm probably meeting up with singingchipmunk and court_jesster Saturday. While seeing Rent. And hanging out with sparly. I have this crazy hunch that it is going to be a good day.

* I'm HAPPY. Which doesn't really bode well for tomorrow, but screw it.