Poetry & Prozac

I've opened up a "post entry" page every day this week, but whatever I have to say comes out emo or whiny or pissed off or some other emotion I don't really mean to be having.

I'm confused about fangirl-related social stuff and I'm not really sure how to handle it. I don't *think* I'm having drama, but maybe I am. If you're having drama with me, you should probably email me at bluestargirl at gmail dot com so that we can talk.

Also I'm losing my job next Friday. It was only a temporary position, but the circumstances of my leaving it, and the fact that I have to start training a new girl tomorrow, ultimately leave me feeling hurt and pissed off and betrayed.

AND I have to be finding a new job, and, just, times are shitty, you know? And I CAN'T afford to go on like this.

So mostly I'm various shades of a mess when I let myself think about things, and really happy and good when I don't. siren_mage, citibyrd, and Panic at the Disco are currently my very most favorite people. They are all unacceptably far away.

...See? Whiny AND emo. I'm pretty sure this is not how I'm actually feeling. Maybe.

Don't mind me, I'm just mad.

* I am a bad sharer, I KNOW this. But for the love of GOD, go away! Go AWAY! GO! Just STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND DON'T COME *HERE*. This is MINE. And other people's. From HERE. *glares* Do not want.

* Ticketmaster is listing a second HCT show on April 11. ??? Also I cannot go because I am going to the San Diego show and lack the ability to teleport. Whatever. It's not listed at either Panic's website or the HCT website, so, whatever. I am being zen. *breathes*

* My &*^(&*%&^% boss. I had a question yesterday. I e-mailed her about it. She answered. I followed instructions and sent the finished thing back to her. Today she sent it back saying I did it wrong. I fixed and sent it back with an apology that was also a little edged with "I ASKED you, you lied!" her response either absolved me or told me I'm an unprofessional idiot and don't know what the hell I'm doing. I honestly am not sure. Oh, and THEN she sent me another ten things to do.

* It's supposed to snow in Chicago tomorrow. I have a layover there on my way to wordsaremyfaith. I'm a bit concerned.

*grumbly grumbly ARGH!* Cross me, I fucking dare you.

* So my mom and I go out on Monday nights while my dad has a friend over for football. (They're really cute, they make theme dinners and stuff, but they pretty much take over the front of the house.) Last night she asked where we should go for dinner. I asked what she wanted. She wants The Thai Place (which is it's actual name, which I love it for). I'm going there for a thing Wednesday night, a thing that I really really really have no desire to actually go to, and really the restaurant was the only reason I was looking forward to it even a little. Anyway, my mom got all bitchy about it, so I was like "whatever, fine, I like Thai, I can eat it twice in 3 days". Or really 4 times in 5 days since there is no doubt I will have leftovers.

Whatever.

My dad just called, all "Hey, I probably won't get to the house until 6.15 or so. [My friend] will probably get there before that, so just give him a beer and turn on the tv. Channel 140. Thanks, bye."
Um.
WTF?
I feel the logical course of action would to be to call his friend and tell him not to come 'til later, but no. Apparently the logical course of action is for me to play hostess. What the fuck ever.

Fucking Monday Night Football. I cannot wait until I have a job and do not have to be here all the time.

* I cannot wait until December. Or, Thanksgiving. Good things happen after Thanksgiving. I am excited about them.

* Since December is pretty far off, I am also really really excited about Saturday. Street Scene, yay! Panic! More yay! Meet ups! Also yay! ...I need to actually firm up some plans. But yay having a social life that is not contingent on the same 3 people!

If I can make it through Thanksgiving all will be golden. GOLDEN.