Poetry & Prozac

In 2004 I bought my best friend tickets to Warped Tour for her birthday because New Found Glory and Yellowcard were on it.

It was our first Warped. We didn't know what we were doing, we didn't bring food or water or anything really. It was my first concert in something like five years. In the early afternoon we bought ourselves overpriced slices of pizza and found ourselves a corner away from the crowd where a punk band was playing. We weren't really listening, not at first, we were too far away to hear really well, but they captured our ears anyway. We stuffed our food in our mouths and hurried to the stage. There aren't many bands that I can pinpoint the exact first time I heard them, but, that was the first time I heard The Matches.

In the past five years, I've seen them play five times, listened to their three albums and handful of other stuff countless times. The Matches will always be my best friend's band first, but also our band, something we discovered together and love hard.

Three days after Panic at the Disco announced The Divorce, The Matches announced their "hiatus". It was a bad week for music and a hard July. With their announcement, The Matches also announced that they would be playing two last shows, one in L.A. on Aug. 23, and one in San Francisco on Aug. 24.

There also aren't many bands I can pinpoint the last time I heard them but the last time I heard The Matches (live, anyway) was last night.

They've always put on a good live show. Last night was magic.

It was at the Troubadour which is a good venue. The place was crowded, but maybe not full. Almost everyone there was, if not a die-hard, than an incredibly loyal fan.

The setlist was based on an online poll they'd done, letting fans pick the songs. With a couple of exceptions, Matches fans really know their shit.

The Matches themselves were gracious and charming and grateful. They still love their music and their fans and each other. They stopped the set a few times to answer questions, talk to fans, be lovely.

And when the set was over and the crowd was still chanting for a song that didn't make the setlist, The Matches lead singer came back out with an acoustic guitar, got the house music cut and the fans to quiet down, and softly played an acoustic version of the first verse.

Afterwards the band came back on stage, took bows, hugged each other, shook fans hands. When we left, the lead singer was still stretched out over the crowd, grasping hands and saying thank you.

I was absolutely fighting back tears.

And that's how I watched The Matches turn to ashes.

So, I went to see the Jonas Brothers concert in L.A. last night. 15 hours later I am STILL smiling. In all honesty, that may have been the best show I have ever seen.

This is going to be a partially-assed recap, but possibly long and defintely spoilery, sooo, cut.
( Read more... )

Ughhh. That was so worth all the money and angst and favor owing it took to get to (and mostly back from) that show. ♥♥♥♥♥

STILL SMILING!

So, okay, I've never been very good at multi-fannishness*. It just, when I get into something? I get OBSESSED. That's why I'm IN fandom, because there is only so much real-life flail people around me can take.

The other reason I'm in fandom is, basically, fic. I like (need?) that extenstion/analysis/revision of canon.

So when your current fandom sprains your heart and maybe something else has caught your attention recently and you think "hey, maybe I'll go looking for some fic", you know. Shit happens.

In my case Jonas Brothers shaped shit. Only not literally because lol, and also, ew.

So, yes, I am reading fic and primers and spending lots of time watching youtube videos all *chinhands*. I have a Disney/JoBros filter, which I will probably not use a whole lot because I am not a big fan of filtering, but whatever, if you want on, let me know. If you have a Disney/JoBros filter, please stick me on it.

I don't really know where this is going, guys. It could be just a thing until I can go back to reading non-AU, pre-Divorce Panic fic. It could be a stepping stone on the way to a new fandom. It could be a new fandom.

I really like these guys. They're cute and sweet and talented and ridiculous and there is so much canon it is obnoxious (except for how it's AWESOME). They have a SOFTBALL TEAM, you guys. They play games while they're on tour. There are UNIFORMS. The team name is the Road Dogs. These kids are fucking precious.

But, yeah, that being said? I read some Disco fic tonight. All either AU or Divorce fic (and how much do I love that we;re calling it that?). It's getting better, mostly. And bandom still feels like home. Maybe because you guys are still here, maybe because I know this canon so well. I don't know, I just really wanted to say that.

I totally didn't mean to turn that into fannish meta, or like a confession. Mostly I just wanted to say SHINY NEW THINGS!!!!!! and ROAD DOGS! and Bandom still feels like home. But, of course I used many more words than that, and then recapped. I'm done now though.

*I suppose in a way bandom kind of IS multi-fannish, but I mostly focus on the Disco side of things, and, anyway, *hands*

I am a little embarrassed about how sad I still am. I am past denial, but I am up and down about everything else. Honestly? I haven't cried so hard since I was 18 and didn't get into the college I wanted. But people in RL seem to get it, or at least be sympathetic, so I figure the internet will probably be more so. I'm in bandom, there is no real shame.

My friends have been amazing. wordsaremyfaith let me babble nonsense words at her for THREE HOURS yesterday, and RL people are gentle and lovely and understanding about it being too soon for being rational.

This HURTS, guys. I don't like it.

Here are related thoughts I have had about things today:

* Ryan Ross. You are making some really really questionable choices and I hope you know what you're doing. I'm mad as hell at you, but I still love you like whoa. And really want to be your older sister that smacks you in the back of the head and calls you a dumbass.

* This fandom is AMAZING, you guys. People are WARNING on picspams and fics for "too soon"! That is the most ridiculously sweet thing ever. (And I, for one, am really really grateful, as it is totally TOO SOON for me. I had to switch up my desktop Monday, 'cause I couldn't bear to look at it.)

* I totally initially took sides, but now that people are calling "teams", I am mostly over it. I feel like Brendon and Spencer are probably the wronged party, but it's not like I actually know. Though, as far as fan-outreach/public relations go, Brendon and Spencer are being so ridiculously better. "Three Little Birds" makes me sob and smile and Spencer's pictures are oddly reassuring, while Jon's twitters and pictures make me go "TOO SOON!" a lot. And, you know, public pictures of you and coke in the same room are never precisely the best move...

So, yeah, that's where I am. That, listening to a lot of RENT, and reading ST:Reboot and Disney fic, because I'm not ready to face the rest of the Big Bangs.

* You know what is a little bit awesome? When you're at work, checking your phone shamelessly, and there's a text from your friend (hypothetically girthygrizelda) and they're all "want to go to the beach when you get off work?"

And while, yes, you do kind of have some things that really sorta SHOULD get done today "yes, yes I do".

So you go on a roadtrip with one of your favorite people down to the beach and you go play in the waves and then you lay in the sun and read and chat for a couple of hours and then you go get crappily delicious dinner and then you come home and work on your shit and zone and go "I had an awesome day to day!" and then LJ about it.

Ahem. Yes. So that was my third trip to the beach in three weeks. And, ahaha, second trip in three days. Whoops. I don't think I went to the beach three times last summer.

* Is it ignoring wank to not say anything about it? Or is it a quiet acknowledgment that you're aware and agree with many far more well spoken people than yourself and don't really have a lot to add? 'Cause I'm doing the second, in case people were concerned.

* I really feel I had other things I wanted to say, but I do not remember them now and I am sleepy like whoa so I am going to shower and sleep. Because tomorrow is not Sunday, it is Tuesday.

* I am pressdbtwnpages at dreamwidth. I am slowly going through and adding people as I come across their names, but if you beat me to it, definitely add me!

It should be noted that I have no clue what I'll be doing with my DW account, possibly, at some point, crossposting? I'm basically just gonna go where the breeze blows me on this one.

* In other news, may I tell you about my new friend Spot-the-Cat?

Spot is a cat. Maybe she is a stray, on the one hand she is awfully hungry when she comes by, on the other she is also awfully clean and friendly and well behaved.

We first met Spot a week ago when we came home for lunch and she came running to the screen door to say hi. We fed and watered her (we keep cat food in the house for just this sort of occassion) and she was very friendly. So I went and played with her and hoped I'd see her again some day.

She's now come back five times, it seems she's here equally for food and friendship (she is so SWEET, you guys, omg). Last night she stuck around for HOURS because we were all outside hanging out, I think that may be why she came back today, in the past she's come by every other day or so.

We're pretty sure she's a girl because she appears possibly pregnant. Which would be a problem because my dad had a bad experience with our last cat that he's still not over. We're not letting Spot into the house, and he's not a big fan of our feeding her, but, too bad, so he definitely won't welcome kittens. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, I have a new cat-friend, hooray!

Whoops! I have not posted in a loooooooooong time. My bad. I have been twittering instead. I am KelseyA there, should you wish to follow me and are not already doing so.

* Dr. Who special - always good to see David Tennant on my computer, but I was kind of meh on the episode itself. Especially as a special. Specials should be, you know, SPECIAL.

* My Easter was pretty good, though my family stuck around for waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long. It was nice seeing everyone, but, good lord nine straight hours is too much.

* I don't know what to do about Amazonfail at this point except stop buying stuff there. Does anyone have a favorite alternative? (Especially one that sells used books/dvds/etc?)

* The Disco + Zack twitters continue to bring me much glee and canon, though I think my favorite twitterers right now are Siska and Felicia Day.

* In related Disco opinions: Brendon looked awesome in Capetown, I can't be the only one who wants to tug on his tie and do dirtywrong things to him, right? ...I thought not. Also Jon Walker needs to bathe, trim his beard and get a haircut. You are not hiding what you are trying to hide, baby. Ryan continues to delight and traumatize in near 50/50 amounts. ilhim.

* I will be 25 years old in about six hours. Not sure how I feel about that, but, statement of fact.

* I am vaguely considering heading to London for a couple of weeks in the fall, possibly with sidetrips into Scotland and maybe the continent. We shall see, but, cheap airfare and waaaaaaaaaaaant.

* I did not go to Bamboozle Left or FOB in Vegas for a number of reasons (including money, not having anyone to go with*, etc) but MOSTLY because I will be going to FOB in PA and REAL Bamboozle in NJ. It'll end up that I'm on the East Coast for something like 2 1/2 - 3 days, but, I'm excited.

I still need to confirm actual whose couch/when stuff, and buy a PA ticket and book a flight home, but, this is happening \o/ If you'll be at either of those shows, I'd love to see you!

* In somewhat related news, even though I was going to wait until after my birthday to talk about it, I'm having that problem where I'm pretty sure no one online likes me. This is at least 50% irrational insecurity, but, ugh. I've been kind of fucked up on the idea and solidity of internet friendships since last October and my world feels very small right now.

There are a few of you I am stone-cold, one hundred percent certain of, the rest, I'm not so sure.

I get a citibyrd tomorrow! I am really extra super excited about this! And then we go to Disneyland*!


*For the record, this plan was in place BEFORE the Disney!Frank pics popped up. That's just a hilarious hilarious ironic twist.

( This Year )

( Ever )

Today I pretty much forgot about Valentines Day because we'd done a bunch of V-Day stuff at work Friday (which was awesome. Sometimes my job is the BEST EVER), and also my brother brought his girlfriend home for the weekend so everyone here's pretty focused on that.

But, here's the thing. I used to hate Valentine's Day. I still think it sucks that we need holidays to remind us to love on each other, but, whatever, we do. But it's nice to get the reminder. (And, if I'm being honest, I never really hated Valentines. There's chocolate, and I've never been in a relationship for it, but I really enjoyed embracing the bitterness and cynicism that covered for envy). I'm grown up now, and I can admit that.

Valentines, for better or worse, it's just 24 hours. And then the candy goes on sale.

Also I am so so fucking lucky. I have great friends, an amazing family (and extensions), hell even my acquaintances are by and large pretty fabulous.

Last night as I was falling asleep I was wondering about what my life would be like if I'd made a different decision, as you do. But, for the first time ever my thoughts weren't about how much more awesome everything would be. Instead I asked myself "Would I be as happy as I am right now?" and I was honestly surprised by it. I don't think I'm especially happy right now. Things are good. Really good, even, but they aren't OMG the BEST!!! Or even as good as they were this time last year. But I'm happy and it's possible that I could be less happy.

So I think that's my Valentine to myself. (And the after-Valentines sale candy, lets be honest here.)

Thank you all for being my friends. For sticking with me through years of pedestrian crises and loving me, whether you're one of the girls I love very very best or one of the lurkers who's stuck around because you find something worth reading here or one of the people who keep me around to patronize me. Thank you. I'm so grateful for my life and everyone in it.

* FOB isn't playing So Cal at all? Ooookay. The closest date to me is Vegas which I think I'll probably pass on. I'm tentatively planning to be in New York for Bamboozle and post-birthday party times and now I'm considering coming out a couple of days early and going to a few other shows.

So my being in New York plans as of now are Mar. 12-23ish and April 26-6ish (though I haven't actually discussed this shiny new plan with wordsaremyfaith who is my New York crash space AND I'm not sure how my finances shall be looking). People should be around to have hangouts with please.

* In other news I kind of got ridiculously sick of my job and the preschool needed me to fill in for a couple of days and then they canned the person I trained to take over in October, sooo I'm back there for the month. If things go well I could be made permanent but there's no guarantee. How so stupid and needlessly complicated, work situation? Ugh. But I'm actually really happy to be back (for now. I hope it lasts.)

* Has anyone seen this article where Travis McCoy and Paul F. Tompkins (from Best Week Ever) rate hit songs from 2008? It's more than a little bit awesome.

I have two things to discuss with you, dear flist.

First, birthday planning and travel related matters.

I got frequent flier miles for Christmas \o/. They expire mid-April. So. What I am thinking is trekking to New York in March-ish, crashing with my wordsaremyfaith and pestering those of you who are willing to have me.

Then, for my birthday, I am thinking of coming back out for Bamboozle in May (and probably bookending that with a couple of days on either side).

The rest of my May and June are pretty booked up, so my thoughts were Vegas hangouts with West Coasters and whoever else wants to come out in July.

All of this pending tour dates of course (most especially the July bit, as we already know about Bamboozle and I doubt that anything new will happen in March.)

So thoughts/feelings/emotions on these plans are welcomed.

Secondly, I have so far not written one word for getyourwordsout /o\. So if you all would be so kind as to give me prompts, I would be eternally grateful.

Dear 2009,

So far, things seem good between us. I didn't kick you off in entirely the same manner I kicked off '08, '07, '06, '05, etc., which I feel can only be a positive sign. Instead there was a bit more liquor, a spontaneous roadtrip, and a grand new adventure. I hope things continue in this fashion.

Don't get me wrong, 2008 and I had some ups and downs, but ultimately I feel we parted as friends. The ups were by and large amazing.

Just to make sure we're both on the same page here, I have a few requests: health and happiness for me and mine (and everyone else while you're at it), a better (more awesome and money-giving) job, time with my girls (and bonus awesome concerts). I also wouldn't say no to a significant other this year, or a dramatic and exciting (but positive!) change in my life (say, moving to a new place).

In exchange, I will try to: be more fiscally responsible and take better care of myself and surroundings.

Friends?
~Kelsey

...In other news, last night after our casual family party some friends and I randomly decided to go to the Rose Parade. They hadn't done it in years and years and I'd never gone because I fail at being a Californian. It's something you kind of have to camp out overnight to do, so we loaded up chairs and sleeping bags and blankies and scarves and gloves and hats and hit the road at around 2 a.m. Got there and were set up by four, slept fitfully and briefly, greeted the first sunrise of the new year shivering and cranky, didn't kill anyone, watched a parade, ate some food, came home and slept like an unconscious dead thing, and then I enjoyed a bit of my family's traditional New Years festivities (College football and homemade Eggs Benedict, mmm).

However, I had the beginnings of a mild cold on Tues and Wed, after a night with little sleep in 40 degree air? Less minor.