Poetry & Prozac

* Heh. So I totally just signed on to AIM to add SNs to my buddylist and was all "...why are people still up? It's *late*!" and then realized it's 11.45. I'm old. (Also supposed to be in bed fixing my migraine. But, there was a new Doctor Who.)

* Re. Doctor Who: aklfd;hgwejrghdsfoghadklfg. I love that show so hard right now. SO HARD. *more keymashing*. Though I do wish STC would put up Confidential at around the same time, and not, you know, two days later.

I totally did not mean to become one of those obsessive Confidential watchers at *all*, but, it's *more* and it makes it *last*. And David Tennant's not!Doctor voice... So, yeah. Confidential. If STC ever puts it up.

* Today I went shopping at Old Navy and didn't buy anything. *Gasp*. But it was a sale and there were 900,000,000 people there and the sales weren't even that good AND I don't actually have any money, so. I went to Panera for lunch instead.

And then tonight we had my grandma's death day party. It's been two years, so we invited my grandpa over for salmon patties and talked and it was surprisingly nice and not awful.

Plus I got to talk to/flail with wordsaremyfaith for a couple hours which is always made of win.

* My tattoo is peeling! And it's pretty underneath! I cannot wait for it to be healed so I can do fun things like go swimming and showing it off. I am also very ready to stop putting on lotion every few hours.

* If you have not been loved on but would like to be, I am still willing.

This Christmas we... um laughed a lot. And cried a little. But mostly it was laughter and good times. Which is nice, I think everyone was worried about how the first Christmas since Grandma died would go. Apparently with lots and lots of laughter.

I didn't get anything spectacular, but lots of pretty good stuff that I'm happy about. One of which is a Best Buy giftcard. What should I get???

And, Merry Christmas everyone who celebrates and Happy Monday everyone who doesn't. I hope it was a lovely day, regardless.

Sometimes I feel like I need a political science degree to deal with my family. It's all secret treaties and trade agreements and stuff. Sadly lacking diplomatic immunity.

Today I got this mildly passive-aggressive response e-mail from my mother (in which she wants to hang out with me but only on her terms, it's wacky fun) where she "suggested" I call this evening and chat with my father and he would be home alone.

I... dislike phones. They're very... whatever. I would rather not call most people if I can email or write a letter or etc.

But I told my mom I'd call, because I knew that way she'd check up on me so I'd actually do it. I did, thus earning good-daughter points from my father and good-following-directions points from my mother (incidentally, she answered the phone when I called and my dad blew me off to go to sleep so I'm not entirely sure what I accomplished here).

Between my mom's e-mail and calling my dad, I wrote a letter to my grandfather. He e-mails frequently and I don't respond because then there will be more e-mails and digital pictures of his cat and e-cards with fuzzy bunnys. But he's not in a great place right now, understandably, so I wrote him a little letter. I will earn good-grandaughter points from him, and possibly a place on the refrigerator, and I will earn really-amazing-sweet-wonderful-girl points from my mom because she never asked/suggested/or otherwise implied that this was something I ought to do. I may lose a few of those due to the helpful suggestions I made to Grandpa about ways he could keep himself occupied by "helping" my mom or going on a daytrip with her.

Political strategy, yay.

Also my cousin is ignoring my myspace message, but since the only reason I want to talk to her is to ask a favor I kind of can't blame her.
ETA: My myspace has been wacky lately and I'm not getting alerts, so I went to double-check and low and behold message from my cousin. Guess what it says? "email grandpa he misses you" (capitalization skills, hers). Now, I don't respond terribly well to my mother's instructions on familial relations. You can imagine how I react to someone who is YOUNGER than me (barely, but whatever) doing so. It's such a good thing I already mailed that letter... Whore. *tosses hair* At least *I* am not a college drop-out working at the Shake Shack. I win. Plus that letter is totally going to beat her hot pink text 2-line email. I win MORE.

I don't want to doooooooooo this.

And I want someone to CARE.

Even though I don't want to talk about it.

I have impossible wants. Go me.

And now I will quickly read Rent fic instead of the Bible. Because I am a good human being *eye roll*.

I. Don't. Want. To. Do. This. Any of it.

Maybe I'll save fic for later as something to look forward too. Or someone could totally write me smutty fic as reward. Especially of the Mark/Roger, Mark/Maureen/Roger, Mark/Maureen, Roger/Maureen persuasion. Yes. And, yes, I realize it's not going to happen, but at least I asked. Um, please?

This sucks. A lot. It sucks. Really. And I DON'T WANNA! Fuck.

ETA: When I grabbed this icon, I didn't think I'd actually be using it in seriousness. THANKS, world.

Wow, things are just really not getting better.

I think, though, at this point that it's me that's the problem rather than reality. Reality certainly isn't helping any, but I think it's more bringing things to the surface than anything else.

THINGS I MUST MUST MUST DO THIS WEEK:
1) Call the English department and find out how to add the WPE (and find out when it is).
2) Go to the health center and inquire about a) counselling sessions b) a physical/migraine-making-better c) chiropractic treatment
3) Call the career center and find out about career counselling and make an appointment with said counselor if they exist.
4) Go to the career center and find an on-campus job. That pays. Actual money. (Hopefully following sage wisdom of aforementioned career counselor).
5) Try the new Thai delivery place whose menu is on our refrigerator door.

Nag me if I don't do this stuff please. It's for my own good, it really is.

Also e-mails/IMs/comments of love wouldn't suck.

* I saw Emily today!!! She called and wanted company and bribed me with the grocery store even though I was practically in the car the second her name came up on my phone. Spent a few hours with her shopping, as always, and talking. I told her what's going on with me and she was like the perfect person to tell because she's shallow and self-absorbed and has the attention span of a gnat. She was very sympathetic and sweet and then we moved the hell on. So, happy.

* Also my dad called yesterday while I was in class and left this hilarious voicemail message. He basically just talked for five minutes. And was precious. My dad is the cutest man in the whole world. Love for him.

* Haven't talked to my mom in a few days which is driving me crazy. I don't want to call her and interrupt anything, but I would REALLY like to know what the hell is going on. Plus, I want my mommy. It's not faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaair.

* The demo is the new NYTW. Well old, obviously, but yeah. Glee. I'm obsessed. Except it's kind of hard to know who's lines are who's. Anyone know of a transcription or liberreto? Though this way with the ambiguous voices is kind of Mark/Roger-tastic. SO tempted to write Rent-demo-canon fic.

Life kicking my ass. Hard. I'll be around but sort of mentally unavailable. If you need me, alllllll of my info is somewhere in this journal and most of it is on my user page.

Gah. So fucking TIRED.

Man, I just feel so fragile. I need to be like, labeled and packed with bubble wrap. I... God. I'm sure talking will help, but I don't wanna.

Be gentle with your Kelsey please.