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PATD: Brendon Eyeliner

November 2009

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PATD: Brendon Eyeliner

grieving

mood: sad
I am a little embarrassed about how sad I still am. I am past denial, but I am up and down about everything else. Honestly? I haven't cried so hard since I was 18 and didn't get into the college I wanted. But people in RL seem to get it, or at least be sympathetic, so I figure the internet will probably be more so. I'm in bandom, there is no real shame.

My friends have been amazing. [info]wordsaremyfaith let me babble nonsense words at her for THREE HOURS yesterday, and RL people are gentle and lovely and understanding about it being too soon for being rational.

This HURTS, guys. I don't like it.

Here are related thoughts I have had about things today:

* Ryan Ross. You are making some really really questionable choices and I hope you know what you're doing. I'm mad as hell at you, but I still love you like whoa. And really want to be your older sister that smacks you in the back of the head and calls you a dumbass.

* This fandom is AMAZING, you guys. People are WARNING on picspams and fics for "too soon"! That is the most ridiculously sweet thing ever. (And I, for one, am really really grateful, as it is totally TOO SOON for me. I had to switch up my desktop Monday, 'cause I couldn't bear to look at it.)

* I totally initially took sides, but now that people are calling "teams", I am mostly over it. I feel like Brendon and Spencer are probably the wronged party, but it's not like I actually know. Though, as far as fan-outreach/public relations go, Brendon and Spencer are being so ridiculously better. "Three Little Birds" makes me sob and smile and Spencer's pictures are oddly reassuring, while Jon's twitters and pictures make me go "TOO SOON!" a lot. And, you know, public pictures of you and coke in the same room are never precisely the best move...

So, yeah, that's where I am. That, listening to a lot of RENT, and reading ST:Reboot and Disney fic, because I'm not ready to face the rest of the Big Bangs.
Tags: , ,

Posted on Jul. 8th, 2009 at 09:23 pm | | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Comments


[info]wordsaremyfaith

♥

...I just felt it needed to be said. There are other sappy things I'm thinking, but I'm not actually tired enough to not be embarrassed. (They basically amount to: you are my favorite ever ever ever and it makes me sad when you're sad.)

Edit: And also, you can "babble nonsense words" at me anytime. Is it bad that I didn't think they were nonsense words at all?

Edited at 2009-07-09 05:02 am (UTC)
Posted on Jul. 9th, 2009 05:01 am (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]pressdbtwnpages

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

You just love me for being ridiculous and texting you silliness.

Yes, it probably is bad that my nonsense words make sense to you, but I'm really okay with that.

When are you coming out here for comforting visits?
Posted on Jul. 9th, 2009 06:14 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]cracknanny

You know, it's interesting, I feel very similar about the things Brendon and Spencer are putting out making me feel good and the things Jon and Ryan are putting out making me feel sad. I think it's that Brendon and Spencer are still Panic, but Ryan and Jon are moving on to this completely new, unrelated thing, and maybe that's more difficult to see right now?
Posted on Jul. 9th, 2009 05:01 am (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]pressdbtwnpages

Yeah, definitely.

The other day I got called out (totally reasonably) for automatically siding with Brendon and Spencer when from all accounts it was an entirely mutual split. At that point I didn't really have a rational reason for the feelings, but it occurred to me that in my life, the victim/innocent party has been the person who stayed, and the bad guy/instigator was the person who left. So, maybe that's part of it as well, that I can't get past the part where it feels like Jon and Ryan just picked up and left one day for no real reason.
Posted on Jul. 9th, 2009 06:18 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]citibyrd

*cuddles you* You have every right to feel sad. I cried when I found out. I'm pretty sure that was only the second time I've cried (more than just eyes welling up) for a bandom thing (the first being after reading recaps of the MCR Madison Square Garden show). So yeah, it was really hard to take.

I have the same feelings about the twitters. I listened to "3 little birds" on repeat for a long time the other day, and it definitely helped. I don't want to take sides, and I still love them all, but I also (possibly irrationally) feel that Brendon & Spencer were the wronged party. Sigh, I don't know.

In conclusion: ♥

(Also! Without Panic, I wouldn't have met you, and that would have been sad. <333)
Posted on Jul. 9th, 2009 06:44 am (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]pressdbtwnpages

*snuggles shamelessly*

Oh, man. Now I am thinking about all the awesome things I would have missed out on if we had not met for Panic at the Street Scene! All of the pointless roadtrips and sort of random shows and stupid jokes and Real Food Daily and that crazy juggling dude and Disneyland and a thousand other things.

Just for that, loving and losing the Disco 2.0 has been worth it.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Posted on Jul. 9th, 2009 06:59 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]bluefuzzyelf

Ok. So. "Three Little Birds." Is it a song? If so, where can I get it?
God. I hadn't even started on the Big Bangs. I don't know if I can, now.
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 12:17 am (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]bluefuzzyelf

So I realized how idiotic that was. Did Panic (or Bden) make a cover of TLB?
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 12:18 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]pressdbtwnpages

Yep, you can find a download at [Bad username: icecreamheadaches]
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 12:40 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]pressdbtwnpages

[info]icecreamhdaches
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 12:40 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]bluefuzzyelf

thanks!
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 03:10 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]murgatrude

*hugs to death* I'm still sad, in mourning. I was trying to explain it to a rl friend of my and just got chocked up thinking about it. But fandom is truly amazing and supportive and makes most things better.

Also, 3 little birds has been a saving grace. &Brendon; seriously. Though I agree with the Ryan/Jon twitters and the 'too soon!'. I get that they want to share but seriously guys, give us a little time to process.

Thank the internet and TV for giving us new fandoms/distractions. :)

♥♥♥&you;
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 12:51 am (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]pressdbtwnpages

*dies of hugs*

You should make [info]citibyrd bring you with her one of these trips, dude. Seattle is too far away :)

♥♥♥&you;
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 04:37 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]murgatrude

ohnoes don't die :)

I really should, because it is really far away and I've never actually been to southern California.

:D
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 05:40 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]pressdbtwnpages

Dude! That's so lame! It's not THAT far away! Come IMMEDIATELY! Do not pass go, do not collect $200!

Seriously.
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 05:45 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]murgatrude

I know, I know. Believe me, next chance I get I will go to California and visit all those people I haven't seen in years. I really need a road trip.
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 05:52 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]pressdbtwnpages

*makes grabby hands at you*
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 05:54 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]murgatrude

Ahh, now how can I resist that. :D
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 05:55 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]pressdbtwnpages

Do not resist the grabby hands, come towards the grabby hands, you want to go to the grabby hands...
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 05:59 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]murgatrude

See, that is why I love you. You're totally awesome and irresistible. :DDD
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 06:01 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]pressdbtwnpages

I AM, aren't I?

Also, I like when you are actually being on LJ and not being all mysterious and hidey.

Also also, your comments make gmail pop up the STRANGEST ads. First an anorexia ad, then a "We have found Ryan Ross!!!" ad, and now one about pink European bras. I don't even know.
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 06:05 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]murgatrude

Yes, yes you are!!

Isn't it fun?! I like not being a workaholic hermit with absolutely no social life whatsoever.

Apparently somewhere out there there's an anorexic Ryan Ross wearing pink European bras that just trying to find a way to communicate with us. :D (my mind is not like normal people's minds)
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 06:13 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]bloodygoodgirl

I love that fandom is being 'too soon?' and looking out for everyone else. I totally agree with you on Brendon/Spencer just handling it better from a PR point of view. 3 little birds and Spencer's twitters have made me feel better while Ryan's photos (which he couldn't have really timed except for ya know, making sure they weren't posted on freakin facebook) and Jon's twitters have just made me sad.

I had to change a few of my icons because I was just sad seeing them as an option.
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 01:50 am (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

[info]pressdbtwnpages

I totally know where you're coming from.

I'm still excited for Chicago though. I'm going to book a flight soon, do you have any more scheduling preferences?
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 04:39 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

[info]bloodygoodgirl

Not that I know of right now. Still looking for a job and dealing with trying to find money for school.

But dude Chicago will be amazing. We gotta see if we can grab a ride with someone though. The venue is way the hell out in the burbs and not even the metra goes there *curses FOB, they should know better*
Posted on Jul. 10th, 2009 05:00 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply