Here are the shows I will tentatively be attending, wanna meet up?

Aug. 15: Blink 182/Fall Out Boy/Panic at the Disco in Chicago, IL
Aug. 22: The Matches at The Troubador, Los Angeles, CA
Aug. 25: Green Day in Los Angeles, CA
Sept. 17: Blink 182/All-American Rejects at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater in Irvine, CA

Sooo, I just sat and mainlined all 5 eps of Torchwood: Children of Earth (which I keep wanting to write as "Children of the Corn" 'cause, I don't know). This was maybe a bad plan.

Um. I'm cutting this, because even vague spoilers suck, so, if you've seen TW:COE and want to read reaction, ( read on )

And I think that is enough of that.

In other news, it is still too soon for me to read non-AU Panic fic or look at happy foursome pictures, but I am getting there.

Also the Disco are all following each other on Twitter. I am choosing to interpret this positively.

* Apparently music has decided to fuck me over this week. The Matches announced their "hiatus" today. What are the odds that my favorite band and my best friend's favorite band would split up in the same week?

* I'm not really ready to read bandom stuff yet, or look at picspams, or anything. So I've been trying to play in Disney fandom. But it is all confusing and the only fic I can find is on ff.net, which, worlds of no. I JUST WANNA CURL UP AND READ STORIES, YO. Is that really not an option in Disney fandom?

* In unsurprising went-without-saying news, I'm grumpy. And just got twitter-defriended by someone I thought I was pretty tight with.

Ugh.

So, I was going to do a "Dear Disco, Thanks for all the awesomeness I have because of you" post tonight, because I really have had so much awesomeness thrown at me because of them. But I'm way not in the mood now.

* I've been listening to a lot of RENT and Matt Caplan this week. Do what you will with that. Actualfax craziest fandom ever, whoa boy.

I am a little embarrassed about how sad I still am. I am past denial, but I am up and down about everything else. Honestly? I haven't cried so hard since I was 18 and didn't get into the college I wanted. But people in RL seem to get it, or at least be sympathetic, so I figure the internet will probably be more so. I'm in bandom, there is no real shame.

My friends have been amazing. wordsaremyfaith let me babble nonsense words at her for THREE HOURS yesterday, and RL people are gentle and lovely and understanding about it being too soon for being rational.

This HURTS, guys. I don't like it.

Here are related thoughts I have had about things today:

* Ryan Ross. You are making some really really questionable choices and I hope you know what you're doing. I'm mad as hell at you, but I still love you like whoa. And really want to be your older sister that smacks you in the back of the head and calls you a dumbass.

* This fandom is AMAZING, you guys. People are WARNING on picspams and fics for "too soon"! That is the most ridiculously sweet thing ever. (And I, for one, am really really grateful, as it is totally TOO SOON for me. I had to switch up my desktop Monday, 'cause I couldn't bear to look at it.)

* I totally initially took sides, but now that people are calling "teams", I am mostly over it. I feel like Brendon and Spencer are probably the wronged party, but it's not like I actually know. Though, as far as fan-outreach/public relations go, Brendon and Spencer are being so ridiculously better. "Three Little Birds" makes me sob and smile and Spencer's pictures are oddly reassuring, while Jon's twitters and pictures make me go "TOO SOON!" a lot. And, you know, public pictures of you and coke in the same room are never precisely the best move...

So, yeah, that's where I am. That, listening to a lot of RENT, and reading ST:Reboot and Disney fic, because I'm not ready to face the rest of the Big Bangs.

So clearly I lied on twitter because all I want to do is pick at the open oozing sore that is Panic's ... seperation? Thing? I guess.

In retrospect, there are a lot of clues that point to what went down. Spencer and Brendon have been the public face of Panic in an oddly conspicuous way. And weirdly exclusively friendly with Pete. It's been strange.

Zack's twitter made me sort of smile. As much as I can about this. He is clearly on team Brendon-and-Spencer, which, again, in retrospect, obvious. Also he refered to the band as "the Disco" which validated me all over the place.

I don't think most people expected a Panic split to go down these lines, or, I didn't anyway. I guess my Jon/Brendon shipper dreams have just been ground to dust. That, or this is potential for some awesome epic angsty fics. I vote for door number two.

But, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Jon and Ryan are totally the bad guys on this in my head. I take that hug back, Jon Walker. I take it back so hard. (No, that's a lie, I totally don't. That is the GRIEF TALKING!)

I wonder who will fill the respective places in the new bands and if Brent is lying around amused by all of this?

My baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, you guys!

I'm seriously a little nauseous, guys. And incoherent. And a mini-picspam of Brendon (with cameos by the rest of Panic 2.0) almost made me cry just now.

In conclusion, here is a conversation I just had with girthygrizelda:

Her: "I'm no longer without furniture!"
Me: "But I'm without a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand!"

also: "A lead singer and a drummer is totally a band!"

Also, I'm still not giving up on bandom, but if someone wanted to point me in the direction of Disney fic, that'd be rad

ETA: I guess it's a good thing I think Spencer's neat-o now, otherwise this whole thing would really REALLY suck.

* I'm having a comment conversation about JONAS. Gmail keeps showing me ads about Pro-Anorexia websites. I am somewhat confused by the correlation.

* It seems like the happier I am in real life, the more irritated I am with the internet. I'm pretty happy with life at the moment.

I am pretty much the worst ever at taking hiatuses when I actually have internet access, but if I'm avoiding actual online communication, this is what's up. E-mail or text if you really need me (or even kind of need me. I'm a pretty terrible online friend of late, but hopefully not THAT bad).

* In related news, I am not over bandom. Even a little bit. I think Ryan Ross' twitters are maybe the greatest thing I've ever read.

I don't begrudge people who are moving on, who have found shiny new things, hell I've read my fair share of Star Trek Reboot fic myself, but I'm still here and happy and resentful of people who insist on pissing on my parade.

* I'm fairly disappointed in this year's BBB though. It just seems like there's a lot of not stellar stuff that came out of it, compared to last year. If people have any must-read recs, I'd love to hear about them.

* Working on my Remix fic. I've surpassed the wordcount minimum, which is a relief, and I think this is the first story I've written in actual literal years that will actually get written, but I think I have a lot to go, and I'm not sure that the story I'm telling is what I mean to/want to tell, AND I'm a little concerned about what's shaping my inspiration and whether or not I agree with the fanon I'm using. Ughhhhh.

* I may be done with things to whine about. I wish my journal/twitter/life were more interesting. Also I wish my eye would stop twitching.

I survived The Crazy Cousin's wedding! Not gonna lie, I kinda want a t-shirt. Sorry for twittering like a mad woman! For those who missed them (my twitter's KelseyA but I'm thisclose to changing it), adventures included setting up the damn thing, my ex-Uncle, my other cousin, my aunt and uncle crashing the wedding, and more. Laguna Beach continues to be gorgeous, I have decided that my wedding shall take place in a courthouse.

After the wedding I came home, slept for 12 hours, and then spent the day watching the Disney Channel with friends (we did take swimming and pizza-and-beer breaks). I didn't love Princess Protection Agency, JONAS continues to be amazing.

In other news, my three day old manicure is chipping like whoa. Is that a reasonable timeline or do I need to start going somewhere that charges more than $6 for a French manicure?

On Saturday my cousin's getting married. She's two weeks younger than I am, and I have a whole host of issues involving her. this tag will sort of fill you in, should you care.

I. I don't really care that she's getting married and I don't have a significant other. It kind of causes a vague pang of something, but, whatever. I'm variously excited/annoyed by weeding obligations. Mostly though, I don't care. She's my cousin and of course I love her and I wonder what her being married will change and in a vague way I'm glad she's happy, but I basically have no real emotion about this. Unless I'm in denial, which I suppose is possible, but I doubt.

Anyway. I won't be online until probably Sunday. Will be twittering, but possibly bitchily/annoyingly/drunkenly, or not at all because I'll be busy.

And that's that.

* You know what is a little bit awesome? When you're at work, checking your phone shamelessly, and there's a text from your friend (hypothetically girthygrizelda) and they're all "want to go to the beach when you get off work?"

And while, yes, you do kind of have some things that really sorta SHOULD get done today "yes, yes I do".

So you go on a roadtrip with one of your favorite people down to the beach and you go play in the waves and then you lay in the sun and read and chat for a couple of hours and then you go get crappily delicious dinner and then you come home and work on your shit and zone and go "I had an awesome day to day!" and then LJ about it.

Ahem. Yes. So that was my third trip to the beach in three weeks. And, ahaha, second trip in three days. Whoops. I don't think I went to the beach three times last summer.

* Is it ignoring wank to not say anything about it? Or is it a quiet acknowledgment that you're aware and agree with many far more well spoken people than yourself and don't really have a lot to add? 'Cause I'm doing the second, in case people were concerned.

* I really feel I had other things I wanted to say, but I do not remember them now and I am sleepy like whoa so I am going to shower and sleep. Because tomorrow is not Sunday, it is Tuesday.

* I feel like I've been away forever, my computer's been acting up and so I haven't read my flist since Tuesdayish, I think. Maybe Monday.

* Anyway, I've read a few BBBs and now I'm trying to decide whether to gorge myself on the rest or savor them over a long while, as I am always whining about not having new stuff to read.

* Not much is new with me, I'm involved in kind of a cool project at work that I'm alternately super stoked about and kind of exhausted by. Today I got a freezer! And a cupboard! Earlier this week I (mostly) got $900 worth of supplies! But, also exhausted.

* Baaack to point number one. I need some computer help. I have a 2005 desktop e-machine PC. It's using about 43% of it's hardrive, not sure about RAM, and was running super slow/freezing this week.

I have an anti-virus thing (Avast, but if there's something free and better, I'm totally open to it), ran Anti-Malware (which came up empty), Spybot (which showed one problem), and Adaware (which found 24 non-critical problems). Fixed everything and it seemed to maybe, possibly help. I also moved a bunch of stuff from my desktop into my documents and started a new Firefox session (I had probably 40 tabs open) and now things seem to be working pretty darn well.

The question is: What was the problem? And how did I fix it? (Aaaand, do I need to start thinking about how to afford a new computer?)