Poetry & Prozac

This is the 13 song playlist for a fic I've been working on. Help yourself!

( Where Shoulder Meets Neck (a soundtrack) )

Yule assignment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a little bit nervous and excited and trying to force myself to prioritize writing projects, but, you guys, I have PLURAL writing projects. That actually stand a snowball's chance of getting COMPLETED.

So awesome.

Kayla and/or Shay, I may be needing some assistance from you guys. Email me (bluestargirl at gmail dot com) when you get a chance?

Dear Yuletide writer,

Please don't freak out. It'll be okay, I promise. I know none of my prompts make any sense or go together or anything - I have more suggestions below! Just pick something you think you'll have fun writing, have fun writing it, and I'll love it. Really.

( Sherlock Holmes )

( Disney RPF )

( Sports Night )

( Madeleine L'Engle - Austin Murry O'Keefe families )

( Squicks, kinks, and other things you probably want to know )

Thank you so much for signing up for Yuletide, I can't wait to read what you've come up with!

I am around, I have just not been a posting bunny. Seriously, you guys, I am around ALL. THE. TIME. AIM, googlechat, twitter, lurking people's comments, you want me, I'm probably waiting to be poked at.

I just don't really have anything to post. I need to post my yuletide letter, but, I am procrastinating at that for no good reason. Aaand I should have fic to post (or, link to) in the next few days-ish.

Mostly my reactions these days are bite-sized and better twittered/IMed ("RLiv? Wait what?" "Stay away from my Nicholas, Lohans") than individually posted. Or they are emo and obnoxious and serve no one well.

I do have some old social angst stuff though. This is in part recent stuff alluded to in past entries, and part old painful stuff, and part old frustrations. I've been hurt by friends, online and off, because this is life. So here's some stuff about you and us I'd like to say.

I have some dear, dear online friends. People I've visited or talk to near-daily or did at some point or for some reason or another I love deeply. I assume everyone has these, maybe I'm wrong. But I don't consider myself cliquish, and hope I don't come across that way. If you want in, please, please come in. My contact info is public, and if there's something else you want, feel free to ask. I would LOVE a surprise e-mail or random IM or whatever. Seriously, that would bring me so much glee, I'm smiling at the thought.

The thing is, I know what it's like to try really hard for someone (or feel like you're trying really hard for someone) and not be acknowledged for it, while all the while they complain about being misunderstood and no one loves them and why won't anyone just be nice to them. Online and in real life. And I would really never like to be that girl that you're working to befriend who just isn't getting the message.

If you have something to say to me, honestly, good or bad, I'd rather you say it than not. Even if it hurts.

I want to be your friend, I do I do I do.

The annual Thanksgiving debacle is staring EARLY this year. Which means that I will be out of town and very probably sans internet until Sunday evening.

I'll be around twitter, but, yeah. Spoil me for things and die!

I've picspammed Nick, and I've picspammed Joe, and not only do I want to be fair and balanced and not perpetuate Kevin:Ignored I also really like him a lot.

Plus it's his birthday! Under the cut you will find ( 30+ pictures of Kevin (and his brothers) as well as an assortment of fun-facts about why he is awesome )

Meme that's popped up a couple of times on my flist.

( Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People Right Now )
( Nine Things About Myself )
( Eight Ways to Win My Heart )
( Seven Things That Cross My Mind a Lot )
( Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep )
( Five People Who Mean a Lot )
( Four Things You're Wearing Right Now )
( Three Songs That You Listen to Often (Currently) )
( Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die )
( One Confession )

Whoops, I haven't posted in awhile. Last week was really good, but the last few days have been kicking my ass emotionally. I just feel super frustrated about my life and internet social stuff and I've never been good at just letting things roll off my back.

No one's actually done anything to me, I'm just sad about certain people's cliquey tendencies. I don't even really care about not being included anymore (though it always sucks to be left out), I'm just genuinely baffled by the choice to lock yourself away and avoid interacting with the rest of a fandom.

I am LOVING my fannish experience lately. Especially since the Easy friending meme. It's just so much fun flailing WITH people instead of at them.

Speaking of friends, mine are incredible. I know some gorgeous incredible sweet loving funny generous talented women who for some baffling reason give a fuck about me too. I don't pretend to understand, but I'm so so grateful to them.

And, I'm always around, okay? You need someone to talk to about whatever, happy, sad, reality, fiction, anything, hit me up. bluestargirl at gmail dot com (and gtalk too, obviously), purestarwater6 on AIM, www.twitter.com/kelseya. I mean it, if any of you need anything please feel free to come to me. I;m not sure I can balance out all of the incredible kindness I've been given, but I'm more than willing to try.

Dear Nick Jonas,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

I mean, I don't really care about the whole solo side-project thing. I mean, you're in a band with your brothers, how much can you possibly break up (she asks, jinxing the band)? And I'm actually really curious to see what "solo" Nick Jonas sounds like. Good job getting me to fork out another $15 to you. Yeah "Nick Jonas & the Administration" sounds stupid and more reminiscent of "Selena & the Scene" than "Elvis Costello & the Attractions". Also, way to flaunt a family (and fans) in joke in the name of your side project. Branching out, possibly you're doing it wrong.

But, whatever, it's cool.

I'm a little worried though, darling, that ( you ) are turning into ( Spencer Smith ).

Don't get me wrong, I love Spencer a lot (now). But that is a relatively new development, and I'm not sure you really want to be using him as a role model (well, better him than Ryan Ross I guess. Though he's also rocked the headscarf. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, NICHOLAS, DO NOT TURN INTO RYAN ROSS).

Are you having some sort of psychotic break? Are you jealous because people paid more attention to Joe and his fabulous hair for one weekend than they did to you?

Just, stop what you're doing, baby. Come over, we can talk about it and cuddle and tuck you in with a nice bowl of soup. It will all be okay, I promise.

Love,
~me

The last 24 hours have been SO GOOD. Not because anything extraordinary has happened, but, Joe Jonas is supper pretty, I got to talk to several people I love a lot last night (including my little brother for TWO HOURS last night - he punched himself in the face dancing recently), the two year olds were super excited to see me and gave me hugs this morning, my BFFFFFFFFF brought me caffeine, the pomegranates are ripe. It's just been nice, and it looks to continue at least through the evening. Yay!

Also I totally accidentally managed to catch Jonathan Jackson's first episode back on General Hospital. It was awesome. How come sometimes things coming full circle makes you feel old and depressed and other times it's comforting and wonderful?

wordsaremyfaith and I would really like to read some good Wizards of Waverly Place fic, specifically Alex/Justin fic. (We've both already read "In Fire, In Ice".) Does anyone have recs?

Also I feel that in addition to the "World War III" vid of my dreams, there should be a BoB vid to "Battlefield" and a Nix/Winters vid to "Kung Fu Grip", because I am the most irreverent person ever.

Quick meme under the cut, stolen from liketheroad:
( The State of Me )

Fuck yeah, Joe Jonas. He has won the internet today.

Also annakovsky's Easy vid. And elterriblefizzy and murgatrude who flailed in capslock with me.

YAY, INTERNET!

In other news, I still hate facebook and all the high school-y angst it brings me.

Also, I hadn't been so fond of Glee but the last episode and a half were AWESOME. Would totally read Rachel/Puck, Rachel/Quinn, Rachel/Finn, Rachel/Quinn/Finn, aaand Rachel/Quinn/Finn/Puck. NOM.

I don't actually have anything to post but ♥♥♥Easy♥♥♥ and HOT DAMN, Joseph Jonas, and also, I'm alive. So, there ya go.

I've been promising wordsaremyfaith a Joespam for awhile now. And yesterday seemed not awesome for a lot of people. Clearly we all need more Joe in our lives. So, you know, enjoy!

( Joooooooooooooooooooe! )

* Last night I went to the 50th concert of my lifetime. Like, on purpose ones. Yes, I can count them all (and also I've been keeping fairly detailed track the last few years). It's extra epic since I didn't really start going to many shows until college-ish (and by "college-ish", I mean please read "bandom").

But. Not the point. The POINT is that it was Brand New and Manchester Orchestra, and, man I really needed to be crushed in a pit and be all sweaty and sing at the top of my lungs for a bit. I really, just, feel so much better spiritually or whatever than I did two days ago. I'm less apathetic, more creative, happier. It was a good show, I was stoked that Brand New played a bunch of older stuff, socially I ended up having a lot of fun despite being kind of worried about how things were going to go down. It was just a really good night except for that 4 hours of sleep I got thing.

* Yesterday morning Nix-the-sexiest-laptop wouldn't start. I could get to the password screen and not much further, but, this afternoon I managed to fix him! YAY! I was not digging the idea of having to send my month-old computer back to get fixed. He is extra sexy right now. Whatever, I'm attached, okay?

* I KNOW no one plays memes with me, but that is not going to stop me from trying. So.

The problem with LJ: we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about.

I don't IP log, and anon commenting is always on, so if you have a secret question, feel free to ask. Or e-mail me. Most of my contact info is in my user info.

* Oh! Flist! I need things from you! Specifically a Kings of Leon primer and a David Henrie primer (aaand a David/Lorenzo primer). Help?

* It seems like today's been not great for a lot of people on my flist. Me either. I may picspam tonight, but, as I feel crappy, for now I am just going to direct your attention back to the Nickspam I did a couple of weeks a go. I swear it's better than chocolate and totally makes things better.

So, a lot of my work day, I am pretty much alone with my thoughts for company. Which means I wander hilariously from day dreams to songs being stuck in my head to whatever. One of the things I was thinking about today is the Jonas Brothers/Kings of Leon connection (by which I mean, the hilarious need to pair them up. Which I enjoy). And then I started thinking about other brothers and bands and of course started thinking about the Brothers Way.

I kind of want to want to ship Nick/Mikey 'cause that would just be PRETTY. But, like, I really think Mikey would get bored of Nick sitting there being a little music genius and just sort of wander off. Plus Alicia would chew Nick up and spit him out. (I am maybe a little bit terrified of Alicia Way. I think she's really pretty and awesome and stuff, but TERRIFYING.) But. Joe. Also really pretty with Mikey. Not boring. Mikey and Alicia could dress him up just like their dogs!

And then I got distracted thinking about LynZ Way. 'Cause she's pretty and awesome and not terrifying. And Gerard/Nick makes no sense. Gerard would just talk to Nick really earnestly about questionable decisions and not sleeping with people who are twice your age. And then maybe asking him to babysit. But, I can kind of see Gerard/Kevin? Or Gerard/Kevin/LynZ. Gerard just wants Kevin to experience life to the fullest. And they're friends and totally understand self-sacrifice and big brotherly stuff. And it would just be a really sweet friendly relationship. Lyn might join them or not depending on her mood, but it's all cool and casual and really awesome. ...I am not writing Gerard/Kevin. That is ridiculous. NO, Kelsey.

Later I was thinking about, really, how Mikey and Joe actually have a lot in common. With the special, pretty much. I have really, just, confusion about Mikey. Because he's SO HOT. And SO SO special (the man once tried to take a space heater in the shower. He was stopped before he was electrocuted). And those things just don't go together in my head.

Anyway, so Joe/Mikey(/Alicia?), Kevin/Gerard/LynZ, and I guess that leaves Nick and Brendon Urie to be awesome and in love?

...I should really find a job that keeps my brain busier.

* I was about to feel weird about the fact that I have 8 icons of just Nick Jonas (12 icons that Nick is in, not including Easy icons that are a whole other thing) but then I realized I have 11 icons of Brendon Urie (5 individual). So I'm not EXTRA creepily obsessed with Nick. Just the usual amount. I debated switching my default icon but once again resisted because 1) I really love it a lot and 2) I've been using it pretty exclusively for a couple of years and I'm afraid people wouldn't recognize me without it!

* HI! New friends! Hi, hi, HI! I am very glad to have new people to squee with! I would have greeted you all earlier, but I didn't have anything to post. Still don't actually.

* Third week of bowling league last night. I am getting better! Apparently, if you do what every one else is doing and kind of walk up to the lane and gently roll your ball down it, you will be more successful than if you stand at the end of the lane and flail around and then hurl your ball in the general direction of the pins. WHO KNEW?

Also yesterday I made 72 blueberry muffins. For work. It went okay, but for all the work it was, I didn't think that the reaction today was necessarily worth it. Oh well. I like baking, so I'll probably do it again.

* I owe wordsaremyfaith Joespam. So that will happen in the next few days. I just keep finding pictures I haven't seen before. I don't really understand how this is possible, but it's rad.

* Heh. iTunes just played "Potential Breakup Song", Taylor Swift, and "7 Things" right in a row. I still love you Jonases!

...In conclusion, I had nothing to say.

* One of the hazards of being in a smallish fandom (bandslashmania has 1,711 members, jb_fic has 261 [hilariously, easy_academy has 268 members... I'm not really sure how that works but it's awesome].) is that there is not fic CONSTANTLY and you can't be nearly as picky about the pairings you'll read/re-read. Or, you can, but you will spend a lot of time twiddling your thumbs and waiting for something interesting to happen. Bandom totally spoiled me, but it's also been slowish lately. Is something up? Are people gearing up for Nano and yuletide already?

Speaking of yuletide, depending on the categories, I am thinking I will sign up this year. Since apparently I can only write/complete challenges if I'm writing for someone. I've been sucking at forcing myself to write for a couple of years. I think it's that vicious circle of not having ideas and then not getting ideas thing. The last fandom I wrote really regularly for was RENT, and that was mostly because speed_rent kind of forced me. The fact that I was prolific in Veronica Mars was entirely the fault of sexycereal and how much time we spent on AIM hand-holding and writing at each other. Last fall-ish, siren_mage got me telling her stories over AIM and text, but I didn't get most of them past chatfic readability. Those are probably the next things to go up at incendiarywits, I seem to be having trouble letting go of Panic! on the Titanic...

* I just lost a few hours to Cute Overload and then wanting a pet hedgehog. They are WRETCHEDLY cute. Also illegal in California, but, that's probably a good thing for me.

* Speaking of California, I feel like Southern California might be the most fannishly barren part of the country. It seems like people in other places manage to meet up way more easily. I am desperate for fannish contact so I'm planning fly to Seattle next month (Southwest is having a sale) to make grabby hands at my and murgatrude. NEED fangirls and flail and squee and snuggles. NEED.

* KICKBALL. So, remember the time my favorite thing about the Jonas Brothers was their softball team? Well now that softball season is over, they have a KICKBALL team. Complete with uniforms. I feel it is safe to lay all blame for this at the feet of young Nicholas Jonas.

* Here is contact stuff, should anyone ever want to randomly IM me (yes please!) or follow me on twitter.
AIM: purestarwater6
g-talk: bluestargirl
twitter: kelseya

Aaaand new friends! Or old ones! You can still ask me questions about me! should you want to.

Tags: cute cute cute!, fanfiction, fangirls ftw, friends, jonas brothers, me, vanity, writing

Even though it's October, WiP Amnesty "Month" continues over at incendiarywits.

The newest additions are:

Enhanced Shine - 715 words about Ryan rediscovering his crush on Brendon circa Honda Civic Tour 2008. (I thought this was a WiP, but I suppose it could be a standalone ficlet, maybe.)

Snowed in Vegas - ficlet about the time it snowed and stuck in Vegas.

Not Like The Other Romans - 1,784 words about bi!Jon as requested by bruisesonguitar. It's sort of a roughly sketched out story, but technically complete.

fic where Brendon's a drug addict - 2,655 words. Guess what this one's about? It's a little dark, but nothing extreme. There's a scene emetephobes might want to scroll by, but it's not graphic.

I'd love a comment if you read any of these!

* I am pretty sure I have not mentioned here that I'm on a bowling league. It's silly and low-key (which is good because I am an awful bowler) and with sparly and girthygrizelda and our moms. Anyway, our second night was tonight, is all. Yeah, I have bowling on Wednesdays, because I am secretly a 65 year old man. That, or awesome.

* I just got Netflix and spend waaaaaaaaaay too much time rating movies and adding things to my queue. There are like 80 things in it, and I've had Netflix for three days. (Like, three actual days, that isn't an exaggeration.)

* It is still forcedmovement's birthday here! Happy, happy, happy birthday, dude! I am so glad I know you and that we've gotten to hang out in person. THERE WILL BE MORE HANG OUTS!!!

* A thing you should know about me is that I am a whore for DVD commentaries, especially actor commentaries. I have legit bought shows on DVD just to have the commentaries. (Why, Kelsey, I see you just signed up for Netflix. Are these two points related? Shut up.) Anyway, I was watching the commentary for the pilot of Life a bit ago. It was my first time hearing Damien Lewis' British voice! ...I don't know how to feel about it. Well, I mean, I feel fine about it. It's the man's VOICE for heaven's sake, but, he's not Dick Winters (spoiler alert). The commentary actually talked about BoB for a second, and people were fangirling Dick Winters and DLew was all "... ... Yeah. That's right" about it, which both made me sad and also made me giggle.

* I did that name anagram thing earlier and my full name came out as "LADYLIKE, MEASURED COOLNESS" which I think is awesome. I'm kind of tempted to make it my user name since I'm not super attached to "secret rumor baby".

* I maybe have 2,000 words of Jonas Brothers fic written?

* Oh! I know the thing that was actually (vaguely, mildly) important that I wanted to say. Which is, I have collected a few new friends since June-ish. And if you wanted to ask me questions about who I am/what I'm into/what my life's like, I would totally answer them. (No one ever plays memes with me and yet I still try. Whatever. I'd like it if you played.)

It's been kind of an inexplicably shitty day for me. There were ups, for sure (including the picspam ashavahista posted that partly inspired thia), but mostly downs. And then I was twittering wordsaremyfaith (♥) and talking about Nick Jonas hotness (spoiler alert: he's my faaaaaaaaaaaaaavorite).

Anyway, here are 40 pictures of Nick. Because it's been a bad day and I'm out of chocolate and I wanted to, dammit.

( safer than a tube sock )

In conclusion: Well, *I* feel better now, how about you?

♥

I just want you to know that I love you.